I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
