I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
