a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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