At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I understand Curling. That high.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
