when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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