So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
