Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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