Im at strip club and am horny
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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