I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
is that a dick in a sweater?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
