Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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