I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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