they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
3 2 1 whiskey
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
