we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
