Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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