i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
