Yo dont text me then not text me
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
