New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
where are you?
Hypothermia
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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