Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I need to calm my uterus...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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