Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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