Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
