I wish I could punch you in the face.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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