and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
