Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
