Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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