I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
