Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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