I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
not ubering you a puppy
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
