Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
