Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
