He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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