I didn't shave. On purpose
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
