im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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