My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
