I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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