I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize