so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
