We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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