New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
