My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
