So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize