So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
