Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I will die if light touches me.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
a search helicopter?!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
