ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
