Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
