afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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