I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
