I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize