Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
