I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
