I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You ruined the universe
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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