i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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