She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize