you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
