There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
