All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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