My underwear smells like fireworks.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
