yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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