dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
