She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
