Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
