apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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