Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
