My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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