nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
