her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
