My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
