I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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