How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
