Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
