good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
