Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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