A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
