I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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