You really coming over, don't trick.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize