my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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