I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
