can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
