Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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