Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
sarcasm needs its own font
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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