I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
