hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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