I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
