God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
not ubering you a puppy
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
