She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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