p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
