I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
