Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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