Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
