If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
