and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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