Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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